A ton of Rocks...

I wish my blog wasnt blocked at work it would be easier for me to blog more often. It has been just about a month since i have blogged...wow!

Current mood: Sad but feeling Greatful of all my Blessings.
Song for today: Doin Just fine-Boyz II Men
Book: Smart Girls do Dumbbells-Trying to get my workout on eventually :)
Quote: "Family, It never goes out of style" Lyfe Jennings

So today is the 2nd day i wake up feeling the blues...Not really sure why...I ate a WHOLE Hershey's Almond Chocolate bare i have NEVER in my life done that, seriously i am not much of a chocolate person and when i do feel like eating some its just a bite...

Yesterday I convinced myself that i was a shopaholic, I even googled how to overcome it...But today I talked to my Bestie, and she convienced me that I am not, she said "you spend because you have it, otherwise you wouldnt shop" lol sooo true! But I am trying not to spend what i have...Its got to the point where if I feel sad I shop even if its just a shirt!

Today a "good friend" (so i thought) told me they could careless if they ever spoke to me again, and that hit me like a ton of rocks, I mean it was painful to here it from that friend...It was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever told me in my life. If it would have come from just anyone then fine whatever, but it came from someone i was very very close to...I guess i needed to hear that, the truth, reality, and I am now at peace with myself to keep it moving...

I am sooo homesick!

Lots of Love and Peace! ZEAL!

Days after..

So its been a couple of weeks since i have blogged and a lot has happened since then...

Current mood: Down-but wanting to cheer up...
Song for today: Better in time
Book-Eclipse-Book 3 of the twilight saga, I just finished New Moon, it was sooo sad well the first part was and i was goind through the same stuff i was reading...tear...

So after 5 days of going through some heart ache i guess my heart is slowly but surely trying to mend it self...I know it takes time...and there is nothing anyone can say to make me feel any better, i guess time is my only way out of this pain...it all happened so fast...i couldnt even defend myself i just let it be...my stomach still aches badly anytime we cross paths i feel like it puts me back to day one...i know i will get though this...i havent been able to sleep at all its so annoying i wake up entirely to much during the night...tears still come...i havent talked much about it so i guess this is my way to vent...neways thats enough venting i will get through it...Love and Peace

The Piece that don't fit...

Current mood: Full-Just had lunch with my sweet friend...
Song for the day: Three Times a Lady By: Lionell Richie-Dedicated to me by a special someone...
Book for now-Twilight-So i am finally reading the book, many have told me to read it since i am soo into the movie! The book is awesome so far so much more details! I plan to read all 4 of them...New moon comes out Nov 20th! Can't wait!

My days are still long I cant seem to sleep all through the night I wake up a lot! I miss my bed at home it is soo comfi!
Today I made some cold brew iced tea...I have been wanting some so bad and i finally got it today...well lets just say it didnt taste as great as i wanted it to i think i maybe needed to brew it a bit longer...one day i will be good with all this kitchen stuff i swear! LOL I think i am going to start lying to people when they ask me if i can cook...before i would say no with no 2nd thoughts about it now i kind of have to look down in shame when they ask and i say no...I guess people just assume i should know how to cook why? i am not sure...I do want to learn one day maybe...Val always tells me not to worry about it that i will learn one day lol she is always so positve with me...
THOUGHT FOR TODAY-"Am I the puzzle piece that don't fit?" Here is this perfect fitted puzzle and I feel like that one piece that doesnt seem to fit any where, no matter how you move it to try to make it fit, it just isnt going to happen...

Do you ever have dreams and dont remember them? I hate when that happens i never seem to remember my dreams....Errrr!

Last movie watched-Five Fingers, Excellent movie! The entire movie is in one spot but its a damn good movie! It has such a wierd twist at the end...i Love it! Check it out!

Love and Peace!

Heller...

So its been a while since I have posted...I just got back from vacation about a week ago! My vacation was great...Time seemed to fly by so fast...I learned a few lessons while home also...those will be for other blogs... So now I am back to the usual...still trying to get used to the time zone here although when I am home I never seem to get used to time there...My house is just beautiful...thanks to my Mama! I wanted to spend lots of time there...all the kids are so grown up...Neways my time home was cool...

Current mood-chill
Song for today: Just to be close to you-The Commodores...(A lil old school for tha soul) :)

So my job blocked my blog site which totally sux by the way! I am on it now thru some other website...but now I wont be able to blog as much! Well i can do it at night in my room. Lately the last thing i want to do after work is get on the computer...so we shall see...Neways just wanted to say hello, I will be on later to blog more! Lots of Love and Peace!

Cuatro dias!!!!

Current mood: Chillen, I have a head ache and neck ache...

Song for the day: Any Selena song...yes i went way back i am jammin!

My day: Today has been good...Romeo called me today although we email almost daily it has probably been a year since we spoke on the phone...So it was good to talk to him...
I don't have much work to do but any little work that i do have is annoying since my mind is blank all i can think about is being home... ;) I am planning a BBQ for the 4Th, excited about that! I actually enjoy being a host...i don't like cleaning though lol...

I am starting to read the book of Acts...Interesting....I am also reading Muscle & Fitness HERS ok ok i admit i only bought it because Kim K is on the cover (my obsession by the way) lol i love her! That HOT BIATCH!!!

Fav food item today: Toast with butter i LOVE IT! Bread makes the booty spread...hated it! lol

So what is your Favorite snack?

Love, Peace, & Happiness! ZEAL!

Good Morning!

I finally got some sleep last night!!!!! I woke up feeling like "me". It feels great haven't felt this way in some time! Do you think lack of sleep could have effected me that much? Everyone kept telling me how tired i looked lol...I see a lil glow in me today! ;)

Above a pic of Miss Favor, She is such a doll...She gets such a kick out of me calling her "dolly"...She is such a cutie pie...Val tells me the funniest stories about her she has such a personality of her own....My lil Favor, you gotta love her ;) Little Miss Sunshine!

Simplicity...

5 Days to go then I will be on my way home I just can't wait!!!

Current mood:Groggy, just woke up from a nap...haven't been sleeping much at night...

Song for today: "Hello" By: Beyonce

Thoughts: I need a massage! I feel like my body needs to be stretched in all angles!
I am a simple person, I like simple things, and living simple...I don't like for things to get complicated...I haven't been myself for a few days now, I am trying to find my happiness again...I enjoy smiling and talking to different people...I like being "cool" yah know...
I am so Blessed in life, God has given me so much, and I am not just talking materialistic...He has given me much understanding...From now on I will not justify my relationship with Him to anyone...because I know it is soo soo special...ahhhh... :) He is sooo good to me! Simplicity...

My mom decorated my living room it looks amazing! She is Awesome!!! (see the pic above :) )


Love, Peace, & Happiness! ;) Pumbita!

I understand...

"For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity. " Proverbs 24:16

Current mood: Grateful, lost for words...

Song of the day: On Sundays I enjoy listening to worship music it is all good... :)


Thoughts: If I am telling someone to act out of Love then I should do the same... with that being said; "thanks to all of my friends who are always looking out for my best interest"...know that I am not lost...I get it...

Love, Peace and Happiness!

Happy Fathers Day!

Above is a pic of me and my Grandfather, he has been my daddy! He is an admirable man! He has a heart of gold! I enjoy being home and going to have breakfast at our little spot on Saturday mornings while grandma sleeps in :) I was raised by him and my grandmother, I was really attached to him as a little girl, and so spoiled by him ;) He is an amazing person! I am blessed to have him as my daddy! Daddy Te quiero mucho!

Only God can Judge me...

"If you can learn to control your own reactions, then you can change your routines, and you can change your life" The Mastery of Love...

Current mood: hurt, resentful, hurt-1/2 of me the other half=so excited to be home soon!

Song for today: WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT~TI!!!!

Thoughts for today:
1. My sweet friend Miguelito emailed me today his email made my day after being crushed by a previous email!
2. My eyes hurt and burn so bad today...
3. I cant wait to be home I need a damn drank!!!!!


So this morning I received an email from a friend of mine...(very bad way to start my morning)
The email was harsh... "Christian people" always claim to "judge" out of love! I remember at one time not even wanting to categorize myself as a "Christian" I didn't want to be like the people around me...I am imperfect and I will never be perfect...I have made a lot of mistakes in life, but I know who I am I know the heart I have, and I won't let anyone tell me different! People are so stuck in religion and forget to show "Gods Love" I am glad He is Merciful and His Love for me is UNCONDITIONAL!

Happy Weekend to all! Live life to the fullest its too short for all the bullshit!

PEACE, LOVE, and HAPPINESS!!!!

9 DAYS!!!!!!

LMAO!!!!!!!! Val the Bunny, girl i can't even explain that in words LMFAO!!!!!! Man I need to buy one for the states!!!! LMAO!!!!!

Today's thoughts-My friend Tammie left today :( I am a little sad she was my buddy out here we always were together, she stayed the night with me last night, so we just hung out and did the "girl thing" awww I sure am going to miss her...

Dude we had like the worse sang storm the night before last i should have taken pics I have been here 5 years just about and that was the worse i have ever seen really! I woke up and there was sand all over!!! Then I came to my office and i literally could not see my key boards they were loaded with sand YUK!!!!

So it has been a few days since i called home, fam, val...I was just going through some things...I usually don't like talking to anyone if I am not feeling like myself. I guess i am too obvious so i stay to myself until i am "me again" :) Both Val and my mom called me like "why the heck have you not called" lol ...

Song of the day: Violet Hills By: Cold Play-I Love this song!!!!! I think i like how the voice sounds far away! I know I am weird like that! Bang your head back and forth and rock with me! It almost makes me want to do a slow mode robot...lol...i bet Val would do it!

Yumm moment-I ate some Funyuns today they are good! Reminds me of eating chips with pickles....mmmmmmm i LOVe pickles!

I have 9 days for R&R i can't wait!!!!!!!! Well I will be home in 11 days but out of this place in 9 :)

Current mood-Chill, feel like i need to stretch!

I am really perfecting the skill of polishing my finger nails...YES!!!

Val you are AWESOME!!!!

Peace and Love, Happiness!!!! Pumba!

The Mastery of Love...

So today has been going, lots going on...I woke up in a really bad mood today but i am OK now...

Current mood-Moody but thankful....

Current book I am reading-The Mastery of Love "Happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love. When you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of your love, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltecs: the Mastery of Love- from the book....

This book is sooooo amazing I have read it all in one day 210 pgs...i would recommend this book to EVERYBODY...It is currently my FAV!

Song for today-Better in time-Leona Lewis

Thoughts-I cant wait to go get a massage in about an hour i sooo need it....a friend of mine really opened up to me today, weird you never know what people are going through...

Favorite thing people love to tell me-"Hey can i call you back" and they NEVER call back! ughhh
annoying!

My friend tamm is transferring to another base she leaves thursday :( I am going to miss her...

13 days till i am home i soooo cant wait!

Peace and Love!

TODAY

SO I HAVE EXACTLY 2 WEEKS TILL R&R OMG I SOO CAN'T WAIT...I TALK TO MY MOTHER EVERY DAY AND SHE TELLS ME ALL ABOUT FIXING MY HOUSE AWW SO I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!

CURRENTLY JAMMIN TO: VICENTE FERNANDEZ...THIS MUSIC REALLY REMINDS ME OF CHILLEN WITH MY FAMILY...

CURRENT MOOD: IN LOVE-OUT OF THE BLUE LOL...

I AM THANKFUL FOR: MY LIFE, CHILDREN, FRUIT PUNCH, EMAIL, NAIL POLISH :)

PEACE AND LOVE!

Different thoughts, feelings, moments...

My neck is tense, hands are sweaty, the inside of my stomach swirls, 1000 thoughts are racing through my mind, and every time the phone rings my heart drops, but all I can do, well the best thing to do is count on God, He knows what is best for me...

FAMILY, we are supposed to be one, unity is what makes us, these are my thoughts and how I feel about family...Love, Laughter, Memories, I know there is not perfection...I understand we all live our own lives but when all the chaos is over you look around and family is still there...

Awkward moment-So this soldier walks in my office today talking about The Lord...he says "your from Texas huh"...then he says "Texas is going down hill they are just totally out of the church belt, but the Lord wants it like that" I am like OK weird...So he goes on to talk about The Lord...then I randomly ask "do you drink" lol...he says "yes I Like to get drunk occasionally" I was like hmmm OK...Then I ask "Did The Lord tell you to come into my office" lol and he says "no just stopping by"....OK totally weird....

Talking to Val-I talked to Val today on the phone, I love talking to her, she makes my day most days, she can also piss me off other times lol but most days she cheers me up :) She can be sooo funny and so are the girls! Emily is counting down the days to come stay the night with me we are both so excited, Favor is supposed to come also so I hope she don't chicken out, Penelope will also join us so that night should be fun! So neways Val is awesome she just adores me most times, as I adore her...today we talked about "my maybe future wedding" she thinks about these things for me lol...I miss her all the time, I Love our crazy sense of humor that not many can appreciate...

Words I can appreciate-Today I was helping my friend order a gift for some friends ( a couple, newly weds) of ours and he tells me to put on thier gift card "Always keep each other laughing" and I just loved that. I just thought that was sweet and so true....

Movie reviews: Obsessed-OMG that white chic was crazy and Beyonce was a bad Biatch on this movie I love it! He's just not that into you-Chic flick totally Loved it, so real, cute and true!!!!

Music: I listened to my brothers music today I love his songs and his voice...I miss my puddin...

Longest Goodbye By:India Arie...Love this song reminds me of Nae...

If all goes well my vacation is in 20 days I soo can't wait!!!!

My mom has almost finished my room OMG It looks so good I am in love with it! Thanks Mom You totally Rock!!!!!!!!!!!! Above is a new pic of my room "Unique designs by Angelic" I wish my mom would really pursue designing she is sooo GREAT at it...

Ok my sweet pies gotta go! Lots of Blessings, Love, Happiness, and Peace!!!

I am Thankful for...

I am thankful to have a relationship with God to know who He is...So many people are so lost without Him... I am so grateful for the Love I feel for people...I am thankful for being me...I am thankful for my family, & friends, my job...I am grateful for my new and Beautiful Home...I am thankful for my Mothers creative mind...I am thankful for my Happiness...I am thankful for my Emmi...I am thankful for children....laughter, hugs, kisses...I am thankful for my BFF...I am thankful for being American...those are just a few things I am so truly grateful for...

An old Prayer Journal...

Yesterday I was cleaning my room here in Iraq and I came across an old journal of mine that was given to me by someone who was like a Father to me...I have to so it was so emotional and touching for me to read through it...It was a journal where you would jot down a prayer and once it was answered you wrote the answer...It made me feel so Blessed it was a sense of reality for me I can't really explain it...Things I prayed for in 2003, & 2004 and I have seen it all come to past...forgetting that it was once a prayer of mine until I looked through this journal...WOW...God is sooo Amazing! So I decided I wanted to start writing my prayers down again it was just to neat to see what has come to pass...

Time Flies

Wow I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since I Last posted, time is flying which is GREAT I only got 5 more weeks before I am home and I soooooooooooooo can't wait! I really miss my house and all my family and friends! I can't wait to play with the girls they make my day!
Everything has been good...Last night I was thinking how God makes us his first, we are always searching for this feeling of fulfilment from humans when God is ALWAYS there...I have been distant, well away from my spiritual life...Now I have the urge, I cry out to Him...He is so good to me in every way! I started reading the book of Proverbs I am only on ch 3...I just kept feeling the need to read it and I think I am starting to realize why...
So everything is back to normal with me and Val, and I am soo glad we went through a little rough patch and it was totally awkward but I must say once we get past things like that it only makes our friendship stronger! I realize more and more how the very base of our friendship is loyalty! Our friendship is really like no other and i know all BFF's feel that way but really ours is sooo like no other :)
Well I got distracted by....neways i lost my train thought so we will talk laterz!!!!

?

Will the hurt go away? It is still awkward no matter how much I try to shake it off...there is still too much pain...I want to get over this...I want it to go back to normal...Will it? Them words go through my mind over and over...do you really think I am that awful? Could I continue to share my deepest darkest secrets with you, or should I always keep silence, in order to keep "Peace"
Hmmm I don't know...

Happy Mothers Day

Well today is Mothers day(my time) So Happy Mothers Day! I am writing this post with tears just falling...I just got off the phone with my mom i waited till Midnight then called her :) I am soo thankful for her we have come such a long way together and our relationship has really grown...I love you mom and thanks for making the best of this crazy life...
I have been a bit in the dooms grandmother has been running a fever these past couple of days...For those of you that know me you know My grandmother is EVERYTHING to me and i cant see life without her...I know people come and go in this life YES i understand that but that's my Grandma so neways i get so sad when i know she isn't feeling well...I try not to worry and I pray for her everyday....My Grandma she is soo sweet i just adore her...I pray and hope she lives many many more years...
I had just heard my friends mother passed away so i called her to check on her, it was sad for me, i mean you never really know what to say i guess...I am praying for her that her spirits are lifted some...
As i am writing this blog i am reading what i write and i don't even know if i am making sense to be honest i am just upset, I try to stay upbeat and happy but i don't know i am just sad today...I can't seem to stop thinking of something i read...it really hurt but sometimes we have to let go and keep going...I wrote 2 or 3 previous blogs then went back and deleted them...I just didn't want to give in...I feel life is too short for bullshit but what do you do when you are really hurt???
Well to all the Moms be thankful that you are a mommy for it is a HUGE blessing, And to all those who have a mother be thankful to them, tell them you love them and remember always "Mother-there is only one"

Feelings Shift...

I once felt "in love" now i just simply love...what causes the change? Does reality finally settle in? Does something or someone catch your attention? Something you thought you could never get over...then you wake up one day and realize "what the heck was i thinking" I like to say "It is what it is" Something i once thought i could never let go is now gone with the wind...Neways just a few random thoughts now on another subject...Marriage? I remember it was once a dream of mine a priority but i must say i no longer feel this way, i really enjoy my single life...not knockin you married folks by the way...My idea of marriage before was beautiful but somehow in the past years it has been currupted...What do people think marriage is? 2 of my cousins got married this weekend and I wish them the BEST of course but i only wonder...TBC

Kids...

Kids make my day...I love the thought of them, all kinds of kids even the ones that misbehave :) Well i dont get to see any kind of kids here in Iraq so i seem to miss them quite often...I have the most beautiful God Daughter as you all know :) and her lil sister My Flava FAV Doll...I love calling her "dolly" she gets a kick out of it...then i have my lil hillbilly neice whom is adorable...and last but not least all my most beautiful lil cousins which i see more as neices and nephews just because...The one I am closest to is Penelope, she is sooo smart, she trips me out but i have such love for her she has such a meek spirit...then there is Andrew OMG lately i think of him so much he is just hillarious...He has such a personality...there is so many in my family and they each hold a very special place in my heart...Kids have such a creative mind...I enjoy talking to Emily and Favor they have so much to say, Miss Favor is sooo grown... Emily loves to be "Nina's Baby" so she is always so sweet to me lol...One day i want to be a parent to a beautiful lil girl but i willbe happy with whatever the Good Lord Blesses me with ;) I can see my kid being soooo spoiled...So parents feel blessed to have your lil ones tell them how much you love them daily...pay attention to them....kids always want our attention...even if you have to sit and color with them a few mins do it!

He sincerly said Pray for me....

So I have a co-worker and hes an older man probably about 64? Well He is a very nice guy but can be sooo annoying at times ....and he knows it...but i can see he has a great heart he is just really goofy and loopy...like way to happy some would say lol...I call him "howdy doody" But neways he is a very different guy...one of them people you will always remember so neways lately i have been riding with him to and from work...by the way when i first found out that we would be riding together i was like "great just what i need" lol i know i can be mean...but you see in the mornings here in iraq i can be somewhat moody...well it has been going pretty good...lately he has been telling me his body has been itching sooo bad and i have prayed for him because i know the pain...well it has been keeping him up at night, just itching and he has tried everything....so this morning i told him take off your long sleeve and let your arms breath...well he just walked in my office and i seen he took off his long sleeve i was like ahhh you listened...so he was showing me his arms and they looked bad...he then said he has been praying and wants it to go away...well some how our convo turned very serious and this lil old man looked me in the eye with his eyes full of tears ready to fall and says will you do something for me...i say sure...he says "will you please pray that God has his way and only his way with me, it gets so hard sometimes but i sincerly mean that"....when i seen his eyes water up my heart just dropped and i looked at him and told him i would pray for him...you see we never know what a person might be going through...so please pray for my lil old friend...pray that his rash stop that he sleeps in peace without itching and thatGod has his way in his life...I am definitley praying for him...

Natural High-The Bike ride

Sooo today is Sunday....Well Friday I decided i was going to attempt to ride a bike, mind you it has been about 12 years or more that i have been on a bike :) so i get on right OMG i was sooo nervous and scared i held on to the handle bars soooo tight...LOL...well once i was going it felt like the best thing ever i felt so happy smiling fom ear to ear, i guess i forgot how amazing it felt to go bike riding...i rode that thing for over 2 hours YES i couldnt believe it myself but i did it! Great exercise by the way :) I had soo much fun it was a beautiful day...now the only scary part is my compound is full of gravel and big chunky rocks so i stayed pretty nervous because anytime a big rock got in my way i was for sure that i was going to be meeting with the ground but thankfully i stayed put ;)


So yea that was just too exciting!!!!!!!!!!! I cant wait to ride on a smooth road one day ;)

oh yea and here we are 2 days later and i am still sooooo sore lol....dude i held on to the handle bars soo tight the whole time that my fingers have been twitching like seriouslly! LOL!!!!

The Secret!!!

So its time to update...I am in a good mood...Lots of thoughts going thru my big head lol...So i just watched this DVD "The Secret"and IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!! if you are reading you need to watch it!!!! It reminded me of me always saying "you live what you speak" its more like "thoughts become things" It was soo positive!!!! I love it!!!!!I am full of so much positive energy right now...on a side note- check out my ride I will be getting ;) ...nice huh....

ha...so for some reason everytime i feel so good i want to call Val or my mom i guess since they are the two i call the most when im not feeling "so myself"...my mom just says "stop being a grouch" and Val just makes me laugh it works most times...My gals...so Mothers day is comming up i have no clue what to get my mother she is rather picky i must say...I have some more things to blog about but they might not be as happy as this one...oh nothing to do with me just other topics...but i guess i will save them for another time! LOTS of love and peace...oh yea dont forget if you get a chance please watch the SECRET!!!!!!

chill mode

Today has been a very quite day...i think i can count the words i have spoken today lol...i dont know i guess i am chillen...i watched Seven punds for the 5th time today i love that movie... :) I just cant understand why it got bad reviews its an awesome movie! I kept wondering why it was titled "Seven Pounds" so i finally googled it and got the answer....Neways you should check it out sometimes its a good movie...Its the weekend, another monday in Iraq...everyday is monday out here....its a very sandy day...these sand storms are crazy...they used to not bother me so much but not its bad its hard for me to breath through it...hmmm....oh yea April first i am starting a Spring Fitness challenge...its goign to last 2 months its kindda like the biggest looser in iraq lol so i am looking foward to that...i will keep you guys updated well try to lol...ok all you in the states enjoy your weekend loosers!!! lol what i would do for a sleep in day! Lots of love!!!! PEACE OUT!!!!

Long Lost Thoughts of mine...

So its been forever since i have blogged...sorry guys...i guess time fly's, things happen etc... Every thing is cool right now...I have a lot on my mind lately...my dad is in the hospital and i am having so many mixed emotions about it...i dont know...he has never been there for me but i still feel so much love for him...I have to give God the credit for that....so neways he got beat up i am nto too sure of what really happen and why anyone would beat him...he got hit on the head pretty bad i hear but he is going to be ok so i feel somewhat ok...although i have never been close to him nor do i know him to well i dont know ....nevermind...neways ummm i havent been talking to Nae much i dont know i feel unappreciated so i am just like whatever "it is what it it" life goes on...so now for a positive talk i go on vacation in 3 months i just cant wait! I am going to vegas a couple of days with David and who knows who else is going i cant wait... i misss my house so much i miss my girls my family! my grama :) i cant wait!!!!! i feel so tense right now i cant relax...i am trying...oh yea i got a phone in my room now i got to chat with my buddy miguelito for a couple days so that was way cool he is my guy bestfriend back home he is a beautiful person :) Well i can go on and on about nothing really so i leave you with this thought for today..."What would Jesus do"?

I Love him i Love him not...

I tell you PMS is torture...It brings back all these old feelings...ughh...i just don't know is it "PMS" or is it how i really feel??? I started to think about someone in my past today...yea not good i know! And it doesnt help when we have the conversations we have...I am the "good friend" who listens to all his women issues...yea go figure on that one...the "EX" listening to this lol...No matter where i stand in my love life (and right now i am happy and in love)...he still seems to get me somehow, can it still be "love" it's a scary thought to me...I have really tried to block it out because i was really hurt, not intentionally but this indivdual could never love me the way i love him, never not even come close to it...so that is the worse type of hurt...neways so many thoughts ramble my head right now, i dont even want to think about it or feel this way...back to reality right....

blah..

i know i havent blogged in a couple of days...truth be told i am sooo homesick!!!! i miss my house!!! i want to be there, hang out with everyone....sigh....well 4 1/2 months to go....

chips....

ok so i need to lay off chips for a while...before it was fries, cheese, etc etc but now its chips...actuallyi just ate a small bag of doritos right before bloggin...so i said i was gonna lay off but they are addicting...so now that i have screwed up i will start tomorrow and try to go a week with out them i will keep you posted on how well i do...so i wouldnt say i am dieting just trying to eat a little different but make one small change at a time...my first change was breakfast and that is working out pretty good, now only drink water which that is easy for me...so now the chip thing its hard...next will be hard candy gummies omg....lol
it seems like if i tell myself no i want it even more...its bad believe me such a mind battle...and you see i have to do it little by little by little otherwise if i take it all at once i will go crazy and vinge for everything....to be continued...

More than a mans love....

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's day...You know i have to thank my grama for the Love i have for Valentines day...When i was growing up she would dress us all up in cute red stuff, then fix us sweet baskets with all kinds of sweets and love...My Grandmother is the BEST!!! I listened to soooo many women complain about how they hate Valentines day because some man ruined it or they are just not happy in love...But come on Love isnt only about a significant other...think about it Love is God, Your Family, Your Friends...and to be honest Valentines for me is expressing all my love to them and feeling all the love they have for me... Although i do have to share that this year I did have a little addition to my V-day...Yes!!!! I had the most Fabulous day, night with a "sweet friend of mine" and for the first time i shared that special day with a man...and LOVED it to the fullest...He could not have made it any better so yes that i will cherish forever...but remember V-day isnt only about a "mans love" Gracias Mami!
I got to talk to Emmi and Favor today sooo precious both of them...Emmi sounded so GROWN...she was like "So nina what did you get for Valentines"? i mean we were having a grown up conversation awwww my baby is growing...while we talked Miss Favor was in the back ground yelling "i wanna talk to nina" over and over lol...so i asked Emmi to speak to her, and she too wanted to share alllll the chocolate she got for Valentines then we talked about the puppy she wants and how she cant wait to play hide and seek with it...lol i LOVE them girls!!!!! :)
So today i had a very long talk with a friend of mine...she asked me suck a deep question....WOW so her question was "How do you find happiness if thats not what you grew up with" actually my answer amazed me after thinking about it...although i grew up so loved and with happiness i told her i has to be honest and say i found ture happines, joy ,love when I accepted Jesus Christ into my life ...and that is so true...so then i went on to tell her all about it...Wow I miss that fire! We had a really good conversation...I found my self reminissing on the nights i stayed at the alter for hours praying and weeping for my family...and now i see the fruits of the seed planted...Its such a beautiful feeling....God is sooo good to us! I get lost in the thought of his MERCY for us...
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sunshine....

"I miss you Nina" them words just make me melt...so sweet, so soft spoken...Emmi is my God-daughter, my princess, my lady bug, my baby girl, my sunshine, my sweetheart, i Just ADORE her!!!!! I LOVE the pic above...I remember when Emmi was a new born i would just hold her and could stare at her for ever...I never knew i could love such a lil thing soo much...

God Shares his secrets with him...

I always wonder what hes thinking...You Never know what he is going to say next...He always seems to amaze me leaving me with the thought like " how the heck did he come up with that" He is the smartest person I have ever met, really he is...I remember a friend of mine use to tell me about him "I believe God shares his secrets with him" and now I know exactly what she meant...bcuz I truly believe that now...I admire his passion for the "Word" his knowledge and hunger to want to know more and more...And his passion to want to share "The Word" he just wants you to really get it and will do whatever he can to break it down to you...he blows my mind with the examples he comes up with, when trying to explain a certain passage to me or topic...Hes so patient...I know if i was trying to explain stuff to me i would go crazy...not him...no matter what i ask he has an answer...Neways I thank God for him and for Sharring His secrets with him... ;)

???

I smile as i read my previous post...Happiness...ahhh the Beauty of it...Well i am a little down today...ok maybe a lot, this is my blog so i am going to be honest on it...One of my girls left camp today boy am i going to miss her she kept me up beat lol...
On another topic "I am soo fustrated" Dont "she" know the situation is only harming her...She gets so distracted almost forgets she has a family to love...I just want to say "remember your family is your rock" but i know that would turn into a huge fight so i keep quiet and "let her live her life" Although recently she went through hurt and pain i still enjoyed just having her close by i felt so nertured by her...something i long so much...Why cant she seem to balance it out...Noone knows of my pain that is with in me for years i have hid it, remember i love being "happy" i cant speak about it because in her eyes "its selfishness" but how can it be selfish "longing for something you have never had" i was simply teased by it...its given to me when she is lonely and has noone else to run to...can i be sad about that??? I try not to judge ... I live my life and just go on...she always says she is living her life for her and my thought is "ughhh you have done that since i can remember so whats different now" Neways just venting i guess...I love her too much, so what do i do, nothing just keep still and know that He is God....
Ok so i was talking to Val today she gave me a good laugh reminising on old letters i wrote her...also we had got in this convo well i got upset not at her just the topic so i was like "bye val" and i logged out chat...well she emails me and its so funny to me because she is mad but the email is funny cuz shes really trying to be mean but sooo cant be...awww my Val....I love her, we are good i appoligized to her...
"Change" Accept it, hate it, love it, i dont know....

My Happiness...

I have come to the conclusion that i am just a happy person! I hate being sad, down, etc...and to be honest with myself, i don't really enjoy being around people who aren't happy! I am starting to believe some people just dont want to be happy, I am serious, sounds weird but dude foreal...Ok not to be so on the selfish side, I can be a friend or someone to lean on, and i know we go through stuff sometimes...but all the time, geez!!!! Its just tooo much for me! I have been sad or down plenty of times but when i am I always look for something to cheer me up, like prayer, laughing with Val, Hearing Emmi's voice, talking to my family, being around Marsha with her crazy azz, getting a hug from Nae, shopping, eating candy, so many more things!!! Happiness is good for the soul...Surround your self with positive people...SMILE, LAUGH ALOT!!!!! We only live once why not live a happy life right...take chances!!!
Ok so there went my little happy speech! The past few days I have really been feeling me (not in a consieted way ;) I just wake up with the urge to dress nice, do my hair, make up, you know just look and feel good...I don't always have the energy but i am trying.
So i only made it to the gym 1, yes ONE day last week but this Monday I plan to go all week, I will keep you updated! Hmmm I wonder what my bro is up to, havent talked to him in a min...Valentines is comming up!!!! Wuuuhuuu I just Love to Love :) I remember my ex used to always tell me how i lived in my own fantasy world lol...Peace and LOVE!!!!

Be Careful what you ask for....

Today started off sad but i am feeling much better! So my conversation with God Lately has been "Ok God its time to focus on me, Please help me pull away from distractions, but do it slowly, i want to focus on me, help me be strong" etc etc....well God works on his time! LOL thats pretty much all i can say, but yea be careful what you pray for, more like be preparred for what is to come!
You should never feel like your walking on eggshells when around "friends" thats also been in my thoughts...I am always so carfully watch what i say...but I should feel free and say what i want after all its love, and honesty right? There are a few friends i can so be myself with and express my self totally with, you know who you are! ;)
Man today has been another busy day!!!! But i am breaking right now! I need a hug really lol i just suddenly got that feeling....wow...
Why do women give in so much to love...why do i lay myself to sleep flooded in tears and why does he lay himself to sleep in peace without 2nd thoughts? Ughhh...
Ok now to "happy mode" I am truly Blessed i have the most amazing loved ones, really I do!
PAZ Y AMOR!!!!! :)

Wow...

Ok so it has been a few days...Yesterday I was sooo busy! OMG i didnt think it was possible for me to really work 12 hours in a day...by 6 pm my head was spinning and my mind was totally blank...I finally completed to project around 8 this morning, and for some reason i still can't loosen up lol...Can't wait to fill like my normal chill self again...so I was like super busy right, and believe me i am NEVER busy my days are long and i pretty much do what i want...Well why does EVERY dept decied they want to bring me work when i was sooo busy mind you noone EVER bring me work...so now i have another pile of work sitting next to me, which i am not complaining about because work does make my day go by faster....but neways i will get to that when i feel like it! :) Ok so I have only excersied 1 day this week, I was going to go last night but the girls never showed up so i chilled, and my bed just feels to good to get out of it at 3 am...i am like glued to it the only thing i can move is my arm to hit the snooze button....Oh yea besides my busy day yesterday i was really sad and no it wasnt because i was busy i was just sad...I know why but i guess i will leave it at that...Sometimes i just wonder why certain people come into our lives...I guess there is a reason for everything...
I havent talked to my mom in a few days wonder what shes up to? Busy body huh...I did talk to Val yesterday I can always count on her to give me a good laugh! OMG some of her stories are just hillarious!!!! Laughter is great! Awww i just love her and what is so awesome is we both have the same sense of humor others would listen and think we are stupid! We are the best!
i started reading this book 3 nights ago "Captivating" and so far it is sooo Captivating...it was given to me by a very good friend...The book talks about a womans heart, and God in her heart...I am only on Ch 3 but so far it has swept me off my feet... I want to try to read as many books possible this year, I really enjoy reading i just have a short attention span :) so hopefully that changes...When Nae talks to me he LOVES going over every little detail (SERIOSLY) and in my head i am like "come on sweetie hurry up and get to the point" lol...So i try to pay attention....
Well I guess i have shared plenty i can go on and on there is always a million thoughts going thru my head...Peace and Love!

Day Uno!

So i got up today at 3AM yes super early! I went to the gym with my buddy Nacho! So that went well...I did really good for bfast...which was arounf 530, so around 840 i was starving, and had a small healthy snack...lunch went ok i had a wrap...so i have noticed i have had a head ache, which happens when i start to minimize my eating so i guess i have to dill wil it :)... Well besides that i have had an ok day...one of my girls out here is having a really hard time so here i sit wondering what exactly to say to comfort her...I want to be tuff on her, because i know she is strong! But i guess that is hard to do when a friend is really hurting...you have to choose the right words...i know how sensative i can be at times...so thats that...oh yea i got an email from a really good friend of mine "Miguel" he is soo awesome i soo love him! He is now teaching which i think is amazing thats what i want to do! Neways i miss him, we have a really cool connection! I must say God has really blessed me with a good chunk of really great friends! I have my own unique connection with each... they are all sucha blessing to me! Of course the greatest one of all is Val shes my sweetheart! She has been my Bestie for about 14 years now, and we are both so honored to be in eachothers life! She's too awesome! Love you!
Now let me mentions "Emmi" my lil sunshine, my God child, which is Vals lil one...i Love that lil thing :) She just makes me melt! I was looking at her pics last night her and Fav which is her lil sissy, whom i also adore! and believe me they both adore their "Nina" (me ;) Awww kids too cute, such a sweet breath of life....

Just Starting...

Well I decided i wanted to start bloggin just something new and different, maybe even fun...so tomorrow is Feb 1st, and i am on a mission! I want to get healthy! YES! I supposed to be getting the lap band surgery this year around June...but my Best Friend has convinced me that I can do it on my own...Now I have to convince myself...So tomorrow I start, and i want to keep progress on here...yes i know i can go to an all "FAT (Fabulous and Thick) site but nah i want to do it on here...i will try to post as much as i can...I know i am ready for something else lol...but i am going to try it...and I have Val to motivate me...so here we go....