Weigh IN

A few days ago my job announced that we would be having a physical, they would be checking out BMI which can not go over 40% well i checked mine and i am at 48.5 % so yeah i knew i was in trouble and i knew i have to do something if i want to keep my job...You know before now i have always been so embarresed to tell anyone my weight but i was just sitting here thinking you know it is a part of me so no need to hide it I weigh in at 268-YES i know heavy! So today I started the Atkins Diet-I will try to blog every once in a while to update you guys on how i am doing! Today wasnt so bad-I do have a major headache but that comes with no carb eating so i will dill with it...I still dont feel the motivation i need to feel but i will once i see some changes...I will try to stick to this for a month at the least-and i am trying to stay positive-I will be working out daily! Today for an afternoon snack I ate a pc of ham and eggs well for some reason i felt so guilty for eating the ham i felt i should have only ate the eggs...i can eat the ham its allowed i just felt like it was too much for a snack so i have to make sure to prevent that next time...I want to be honest on here and really write about how i feel...I am lookign forward to this weight loss I really am...My prayers are for MOTIVATION i just dont seem to have it right now, I always feel so tired! Well i will keep updating when i get a chance! Love you dolls! XOXOXO

Lost Thoughts..

They don’t know the painful nights and days I am experiencing…Tortured by my own thoughts daily…I feel I am in such misery…I don’t want to feel this pain anymore…I let myself go…I feel in love with someone I should have never feel for…I knew better, but I still chose to love him…Till this day I question why it is he walked into my life, and that answer I may never get…Is it for me to know? Will I ever love like this again? Or will I build a wall? He loved me as much as he could and that I will never doubt…My memories with him will always be treasured, they will have to be hidden somewhere deep in my heart in order for me to go on for now…I look forward to the day, years from now where I can pull them out and smile at all our great times together…I am not sure what I am writing, I just felt at this moment that I needed to release all of these feelings, thoughts, emotions…

Down side

Current mood-down, sad, confused
song for today-H.A.T.E.U.

So it really has been so long since I have blogged. I blame it on my job for blocking the site...I actually miss bloggin, it was a way for me to freely express myself...So a lot has happened since my last blog...I just got back from vacation about a week ago...I went home and had sooo much fun, I did have a little bit of down time so I had my moments but for the most part I tried to stay happy and positive...My family is truly amazing so are my great special friends which I do consider family...
So my 2 year relationship has come to an end, hence me feeling down. I know it was a forbidden dill and I knew it wouldnt last forever, but I didnt want it to end the way it did...There has only been one other time when I was truly heart broken and I think this may be worse...the pain is so intense...I miss him and EVERYTHING reminds me of him, he was such an amazing man but I guess he knew it was time to end...I wanted to forever be his friend but I cant at this point I am too hurt and when I do see him I just want him to hold me to love me to want me...So I have to let go and walk away forever...I will always remember him and he will always hold a special place in my heart...Just writing about this breaks me...
I will get through it I will use this time to focus on me and do what i got to do, I will get better...