I Love him i Love him not...

I tell you PMS is torture...It brings back all these old feelings...ughh...i just don't know is it "PMS" or is it how i really feel??? I started to think about someone in my past today...yea not good i know! And it doesnt help when we have the conversations we have...I am the "good friend" who listens to all his women issues...yea go figure on that one...the "EX" listening to this lol...No matter where i stand in my love life (and right now i am happy and in love)...he still seems to get me somehow, can it still be "love" it's a scary thought to me...I have really tried to block it out because i was really hurt, not intentionally but this indivdual could never love me the way i love him, never not even come close to it...so that is the worse type of hurt...neways so many thoughts ramble my head right now, i dont even want to think about it or feel this way...back to reality right....

blah..

i know i havent blogged in a couple of days...truth be told i am sooo homesick!!!! i miss my house!!! i want to be there, hang out with everyone....sigh....well 4 1/2 months to go....

chips....

ok so i need to lay off chips for a while...before it was fries, cheese, etc etc but now its chips...actuallyi just ate a small bag of doritos right before bloggin...so i said i was gonna lay off but they are addicting...so now that i have screwed up i will start tomorrow and try to go a week with out them i will keep you posted on how well i do...so i wouldnt say i am dieting just trying to eat a little different but make one small change at a time...my first change was breakfast and that is working out pretty good, now only drink water which that is easy for me...so now the chip thing its hard...next will be hard candy gummies omg....lol
it seems like if i tell myself no i want it even more...its bad believe me such a mind battle...and you see i have to do it little by little by little otherwise if i take it all at once i will go crazy and vinge for everything....to be continued...

More than a mans love....

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's day...You know i have to thank my grama for the Love i have for Valentines day...When i was growing up she would dress us all up in cute red stuff, then fix us sweet baskets with all kinds of sweets and love...My Grandmother is the BEST!!! I listened to soooo many women complain about how they hate Valentines day because some man ruined it or they are just not happy in love...But come on Love isnt only about a significant other...think about it Love is God, Your Family, Your Friends...and to be honest Valentines for me is expressing all my love to them and feeling all the love they have for me... Although i do have to share that this year I did have a little addition to my V-day...Yes!!!! I had the most Fabulous day, night with a "sweet friend of mine" and for the first time i shared that special day with a man...and LOVED it to the fullest...He could not have made it any better so yes that i will cherish forever...but remember V-day isnt only about a "mans love" Gracias Mami!
I got to talk to Emmi and Favor today sooo precious both of them...Emmi sounded so GROWN...she was like "So nina what did you get for Valentines"? i mean we were having a grown up conversation awwww my baby is growing...while we talked Miss Favor was in the back ground yelling "i wanna talk to nina" over and over lol...so i asked Emmi to speak to her, and she too wanted to share alllll the chocolate she got for Valentines then we talked about the puppy she wants and how she cant wait to play hide and seek with it...lol i LOVE them girls!!!!! :)
So today i had a very long talk with a friend of mine...she asked me suck a deep question....WOW so her question was "How do you find happiness if thats not what you grew up with" actually my answer amazed me after thinking about it...although i grew up so loved and with happiness i told her i has to be honest and say i found ture happines, joy ,love when I accepted Jesus Christ into my life ...and that is so true...so then i went on to tell her all about it...Wow I miss that fire! We had a really good conversation...I found my self reminissing on the nights i stayed at the alter for hours praying and weeping for my family...and now i see the fruits of the seed planted...Its such a beautiful feeling....God is sooo good to us! I get lost in the thought of his MERCY for us...
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sunshine....

"I miss you Nina" them words just make me melt...so sweet, so soft spoken...Emmi is my God-daughter, my princess, my lady bug, my baby girl, my sunshine, my sweetheart, i Just ADORE her!!!!! I LOVE the pic above...I remember when Emmi was a new born i would just hold her and could stare at her for ever...I never knew i could love such a lil thing soo much...

God Shares his secrets with him...

I always wonder what hes thinking...You Never know what he is going to say next...He always seems to amaze me leaving me with the thought like " how the heck did he come up with that" He is the smartest person I have ever met, really he is...I remember a friend of mine use to tell me about him "I believe God shares his secrets with him" and now I know exactly what she meant...bcuz I truly believe that now...I admire his passion for the "Word" his knowledge and hunger to want to know more and more...And his passion to want to share "The Word" he just wants you to really get it and will do whatever he can to break it down to you...he blows my mind with the examples he comes up with, when trying to explain a certain passage to me or topic...Hes so patient...I know if i was trying to explain stuff to me i would go crazy...not him...no matter what i ask he has an answer...Neways I thank God for him and for Sharring His secrets with him... ;)

???

I smile as i read my previous post...Happiness...ahhh the Beauty of it...Well i am a little down today...ok maybe a lot, this is my blog so i am going to be honest on it...One of my girls left camp today boy am i going to miss her she kept me up beat lol...
On another topic "I am soo fustrated" Dont "she" know the situation is only harming her...She gets so distracted almost forgets she has a family to love...I just want to say "remember your family is your rock" but i know that would turn into a huge fight so i keep quiet and "let her live her life" Although recently she went through hurt and pain i still enjoyed just having her close by i felt so nertured by her...something i long so much...Why cant she seem to balance it out...Noone knows of my pain that is with in me for years i have hid it, remember i love being "happy" i cant speak about it because in her eyes "its selfishness" but how can it be selfish "longing for something you have never had" i was simply teased by it...its given to me when she is lonely and has noone else to run to...can i be sad about that??? I try not to judge ... I live my life and just go on...she always says she is living her life for her and my thought is "ughhh you have done that since i can remember so whats different now" Neways just venting i guess...I love her too much, so what do i do, nothing just keep still and know that He is God....
Ok so i was talking to Val today she gave me a good laugh reminising on old letters i wrote her...also we had got in this convo well i got upset not at her just the topic so i was like "bye val" and i logged out chat...well she emails me and its so funny to me because she is mad but the email is funny cuz shes really trying to be mean but sooo cant be...awww my Val....I love her, we are good i appoligized to her...
"Change" Accept it, hate it, love it, i dont know....

My Happiness...

I have come to the conclusion that i am just a happy person! I hate being sad, down, etc...and to be honest with myself, i don't really enjoy being around people who aren't happy! I am starting to believe some people just dont want to be happy, I am serious, sounds weird but dude foreal...Ok not to be so on the selfish side, I can be a friend or someone to lean on, and i know we go through stuff sometimes...but all the time, geez!!!! Its just tooo much for me! I have been sad or down plenty of times but when i am I always look for something to cheer me up, like prayer, laughing with Val, Hearing Emmi's voice, talking to my family, being around Marsha with her crazy azz, getting a hug from Nae, shopping, eating candy, so many more things!!! Happiness is good for the soul...Surround your self with positive people...SMILE, LAUGH ALOT!!!!! We only live once why not live a happy life right...take chances!!!
Ok so there went my little happy speech! The past few days I have really been feeling me (not in a consieted way ;) I just wake up with the urge to dress nice, do my hair, make up, you know just look and feel good...I don't always have the energy but i am trying.
So i only made it to the gym 1, yes ONE day last week but this Monday I plan to go all week, I will keep you updated! Hmmm I wonder what my bro is up to, havent talked to him in a min...Valentines is comming up!!!! Wuuuhuuu I just Love to Love :) I remember my ex used to always tell me how i lived in my own fantasy world lol...Peace and LOVE!!!!

Be Careful what you ask for....

Today started off sad but i am feeling much better! So my conversation with God Lately has been "Ok God its time to focus on me, Please help me pull away from distractions, but do it slowly, i want to focus on me, help me be strong" etc etc....well God works on his time! LOL thats pretty much all i can say, but yea be careful what you pray for, more like be preparred for what is to come!
You should never feel like your walking on eggshells when around "friends" thats also been in my thoughts...I am always so carfully watch what i say...but I should feel free and say what i want after all its love, and honesty right? There are a few friends i can so be myself with and express my self totally with, you know who you are! ;)
Man today has been another busy day!!!! But i am breaking right now! I need a hug really lol i just suddenly got that feeling....wow...
Why do women give in so much to love...why do i lay myself to sleep flooded in tears and why does he lay himself to sleep in peace without 2nd thoughts? Ughhh...
Ok now to "happy mode" I am truly Blessed i have the most amazing loved ones, really I do!
PAZ Y AMOR!!!!! :)

Wow...

Ok so it has been a few days...Yesterday I was sooo busy! OMG i didnt think it was possible for me to really work 12 hours in a day...by 6 pm my head was spinning and my mind was totally blank...I finally completed to project around 8 this morning, and for some reason i still can't loosen up lol...Can't wait to fill like my normal chill self again...so I was like super busy right, and believe me i am NEVER busy my days are long and i pretty much do what i want...Well why does EVERY dept decied they want to bring me work when i was sooo busy mind you noone EVER bring me work...so now i have another pile of work sitting next to me, which i am not complaining about because work does make my day go by faster....but neways i will get to that when i feel like it! :) Ok so I have only excersied 1 day this week, I was going to go last night but the girls never showed up so i chilled, and my bed just feels to good to get out of it at 3 am...i am like glued to it the only thing i can move is my arm to hit the snooze button....Oh yea besides my busy day yesterday i was really sad and no it wasnt because i was busy i was just sad...I know why but i guess i will leave it at that...Sometimes i just wonder why certain people come into our lives...I guess there is a reason for everything...
I havent talked to my mom in a few days wonder what shes up to? Busy body huh...I did talk to Val yesterday I can always count on her to give me a good laugh! OMG some of her stories are just hillarious!!!! Laughter is great! Awww i just love her and what is so awesome is we both have the same sense of humor others would listen and think we are stupid! We are the best!
i started reading this book 3 nights ago "Captivating" and so far it is sooo Captivating...it was given to me by a very good friend...The book talks about a womans heart, and God in her heart...I am only on Ch 3 but so far it has swept me off my feet... I want to try to read as many books possible this year, I really enjoy reading i just have a short attention span :) so hopefully that changes...When Nae talks to me he LOVES going over every little detail (SERIOSLY) and in my head i am like "come on sweetie hurry up and get to the point" lol...So i try to pay attention....
Well I guess i have shared plenty i can go on and on there is always a million thoughts going thru my head...Peace and Love!

Day Uno!

So i got up today at 3AM yes super early! I went to the gym with my buddy Nacho! So that went well...I did really good for bfast...which was arounf 530, so around 840 i was starving, and had a small healthy snack...lunch went ok i had a wrap...so i have noticed i have had a head ache, which happens when i start to minimize my eating so i guess i have to dill wil it :)... Well besides that i have had an ok day...one of my girls out here is having a really hard time so here i sit wondering what exactly to say to comfort her...I want to be tuff on her, because i know she is strong! But i guess that is hard to do when a friend is really hurting...you have to choose the right words...i know how sensative i can be at times...so thats that...oh yea i got an email from a really good friend of mine "Miguel" he is soo awesome i soo love him! He is now teaching which i think is amazing thats what i want to do! Neways i miss him, we have a really cool connection! I must say God has really blessed me with a good chunk of really great friends! I have my own unique connection with each... they are all sucha blessing to me! Of course the greatest one of all is Val shes my sweetheart! She has been my Bestie for about 14 years now, and we are both so honored to be in eachothers life! She's too awesome! Love you!
Now let me mentions "Emmi" my lil sunshine, my God child, which is Vals lil one...i Love that lil thing :) She just makes me melt! I was looking at her pics last night her and Fav which is her lil sissy, whom i also adore! and believe me they both adore their "Nina" (me ;) Awww kids too cute, such a sweet breath of life....