Weigh IN

A few days ago my job announced that we would be having a physical, they would be checking out BMI which can not go over 40% well i checked mine and i am at 48.5 % so yeah i knew i was in trouble and i knew i have to do something if i want to keep my job...You know before now i have always been so embarresed to tell anyone my weight but i was just sitting here thinking you know it is a part of me so no need to hide it I weigh in at 268-YES i know heavy! So today I started the Atkins Diet-I will try to blog every once in a while to update you guys on how i am doing! Today wasnt so bad-I do have a major headache but that comes with no carb eating so i will dill with it...I still dont feel the motivation i need to feel but i will once i see some changes...I will try to stick to this for a month at the least-and i am trying to stay positive-I will be working out daily! Today for an afternoon snack I ate a pc of ham and eggs well for some reason i felt so guilty for eating the ham i felt i should have only ate the eggs...i can eat the ham its allowed i just felt like it was too much for a snack so i have to make sure to prevent that next time...I want to be honest on here and really write about how i feel...I am lookign forward to this weight loss I really am...My prayers are for MOTIVATION i just dont seem to have it right now, I always feel so tired! Well i will keep updating when i get a chance! Love you dolls! XOXOXO

Lost Thoughts..

They don’t know the painful nights and days I am experiencing…Tortured by my own thoughts daily…I feel I am in such misery…I don’t want to feel this pain anymore…I let myself go…I feel in love with someone I should have never feel for…I knew better, but I still chose to love him…Till this day I question why it is he walked into my life, and that answer I may never get…Is it for me to know? Will I ever love like this again? Or will I build a wall? He loved me as much as he could and that I will never doubt…My memories with him will always be treasured, they will have to be hidden somewhere deep in my heart in order for me to go on for now…I look forward to the day, years from now where I can pull them out and smile at all our great times together…I am not sure what I am writing, I just felt at this moment that I needed to release all of these feelings, thoughts, emotions…

Down side

Current mood-down, sad, confused
song for today-H.A.T.E.U.

So it really has been so long since I have blogged. I blame it on my job for blocking the site...I actually miss bloggin, it was a way for me to freely express myself...So a lot has happened since my last blog...I just got back from vacation about a week ago...I went home and had sooo much fun, I did have a little bit of down time so I had my moments but for the most part I tried to stay happy and positive...My family is truly amazing so are my great special friends which I do consider family...
So my 2 year relationship has come to an end, hence me feeling down. I know it was a forbidden dill and I knew it wouldnt last forever, but I didnt want it to end the way it did...There has only been one other time when I was truly heart broken and I think this may be worse...the pain is so intense...I miss him and EVERYTHING reminds me of him, he was such an amazing man but I guess he knew it was time to end...I wanted to forever be his friend but I cant at this point I am too hurt and when I do see him I just want him to hold me to love me to want me...So I have to let go and walk away forever...I will always remember him and he will always hold a special place in my heart...Just writing about this breaks me...
I will get through it I will use this time to focus on me and do what i got to do, I will get better...

A ton of Rocks...

I wish my blog wasnt blocked at work it would be easier for me to blog more often. It has been just about a month since i have blogged...wow!

Current mood: Sad but feeling Greatful of all my Blessings.
Song for today: Doin Just fine-Boyz II Men
Book: Smart Girls do Dumbbells-Trying to get my workout on eventually :)
Quote: "Family, It never goes out of style" Lyfe Jennings

So today is the 2nd day i wake up feeling the blues...Not really sure why...I ate a WHOLE Hershey's Almond Chocolate bare i have NEVER in my life done that, seriously i am not much of a chocolate person and when i do feel like eating some its just a bite...

Yesterday I convinced myself that i was a shopaholic, I even googled how to overcome it...But today I talked to my Bestie, and she convienced me that I am not, she said "you spend because you have it, otherwise you wouldnt shop" lol sooo true! But I am trying not to spend what i have...Its got to the point where if I feel sad I shop even if its just a shirt!

Today a "good friend" (so i thought) told me they could careless if they ever spoke to me again, and that hit me like a ton of rocks, I mean it was painful to here it from that friend...It was one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever told me in my life. If it would have come from just anyone then fine whatever, but it came from someone i was very very close to...I guess i needed to hear that, the truth, reality, and I am now at peace with myself to keep it moving...

I am sooo homesick!

Lots of Love and Peace! ZEAL!

Days after..

So its been a couple of weeks since i have blogged and a lot has happened since then...

Current mood: Down-but wanting to cheer up...
Song for today: Better in time
Book-Eclipse-Book 3 of the twilight saga, I just finished New Moon, it was sooo sad well the first part was and i was goind through the same stuff i was reading...tear...

So after 5 days of going through some heart ache i guess my heart is slowly but surely trying to mend it self...I know it takes time...and there is nothing anyone can say to make me feel any better, i guess time is my only way out of this pain...it all happened so fast...i couldnt even defend myself i just let it be...my stomach still aches badly anytime we cross paths i feel like it puts me back to day one...i know i will get though this...i havent been able to sleep at all its so annoying i wake up entirely to much during the night...tears still come...i havent talked much about it so i guess this is my way to vent...neways thats enough venting i will get through it...Love and Peace

The Piece that don't fit...

Current mood: Full-Just had lunch with my sweet friend...
Song for the day: Three Times a Lady By: Lionell Richie-Dedicated to me by a special someone...
Book for now-Twilight-So i am finally reading the book, many have told me to read it since i am soo into the movie! The book is awesome so far so much more details! I plan to read all 4 of them...New moon comes out Nov 20th! Can't wait!

My days are still long I cant seem to sleep all through the night I wake up a lot! I miss my bed at home it is soo comfi!
Today I made some cold brew iced tea...I have been wanting some so bad and i finally got it today...well lets just say it didnt taste as great as i wanted it to i think i maybe needed to brew it a bit longer...one day i will be good with all this kitchen stuff i swear! LOL I think i am going to start lying to people when they ask me if i can cook...before i would say no with no 2nd thoughts about it now i kind of have to look down in shame when they ask and i say no...I guess people just assume i should know how to cook why? i am not sure...I do want to learn one day maybe...Val always tells me not to worry about it that i will learn one day lol she is always so positve with me...
THOUGHT FOR TODAY-"Am I the puzzle piece that don't fit?" Here is this perfect fitted puzzle and I feel like that one piece that doesnt seem to fit any where, no matter how you move it to try to make it fit, it just isnt going to happen...

Do you ever have dreams and dont remember them? I hate when that happens i never seem to remember my dreams....Errrr!

Last movie watched-Five Fingers, Excellent movie! The entire movie is in one spot but its a damn good movie! It has such a wierd twist at the end...i Love it! Check it out!

Love and Peace!

Heller...

So its been a while since I have posted...I just got back from vacation about a week ago! My vacation was great...Time seemed to fly by so fast...I learned a few lessons while home also...those will be for other blogs... So now I am back to the usual...still trying to get used to the time zone here although when I am home I never seem to get used to time there...My house is just beautiful...thanks to my Mama! I wanted to spend lots of time there...all the kids are so grown up...Neways my time home was cool...

Current mood-chill
Song for today: Just to be close to you-The Commodores...(A lil old school for tha soul) :)

So my job blocked my blog site which totally sux by the way! I am on it now thru some other website...but now I wont be able to blog as much! Well i can do it at night in my room. Lately the last thing i want to do after work is get on the computer...so we shall see...Neways just wanted to say hello, I will be on later to blog more! Lots of Love and Peace!

Cuatro dias!!!!

Current mood: Chillen, I have a head ache and neck ache...

Song for the day: Any Selena song...yes i went way back i am jammin!

My day: Today has been good...Romeo called me today although we email almost daily it has probably been a year since we spoke on the phone...So it was good to talk to him...
I don't have much work to do but any little work that i do have is annoying since my mind is blank all i can think about is being home... ;) I am planning a BBQ for the 4Th, excited about that! I actually enjoy being a host...i don't like cleaning though lol...

I am starting to read the book of Acts...Interesting....I am also reading Muscle & Fitness HERS ok ok i admit i only bought it because Kim K is on the cover (my obsession by the way) lol i love her! That HOT BIATCH!!!

Fav food item today: Toast with butter i LOVE IT! Bread makes the booty spread...hated it! lol

So what is your Favorite snack?

Love, Peace, & Happiness! ZEAL!

Good Morning!

I finally got some sleep last night!!!!! I woke up feeling like "me". It feels great haven't felt this way in some time! Do you think lack of sleep could have effected me that much? Everyone kept telling me how tired i looked lol...I see a lil glow in me today! ;)

Above a pic of Miss Favor, She is such a doll...She gets such a kick out of me calling her "dolly"...She is such a cutie pie...Val tells me the funniest stories about her she has such a personality of her own....My lil Favor, you gotta love her ;) Little Miss Sunshine!

Simplicity...

5 Days to go then I will be on my way home I just can't wait!!!

Current mood:Groggy, just woke up from a nap...haven't been sleeping much at night...

Song for today: "Hello" By: Beyonce

Thoughts: I need a massage! I feel like my body needs to be stretched in all angles!
I am a simple person, I like simple things, and living simple...I don't like for things to get complicated...I haven't been myself for a few days now, I am trying to find my happiness again...I enjoy smiling and talking to different people...I like being "cool" yah know...
I am so Blessed in life, God has given me so much, and I am not just talking materialistic...He has given me much understanding...From now on I will not justify my relationship with Him to anyone...because I know it is soo soo special...ahhhh... :) He is sooo good to me! Simplicity...

My mom decorated my living room it looks amazing! She is Awesome!!! (see the pic above :) )


Love, Peace, & Happiness! ;) Pumbita!

I understand...

"For a righteous man may fall seven times And rise again, But the wicked shall fall by calamity. " Proverbs 24:16

Current mood: Grateful, lost for words...

Song of the day: On Sundays I enjoy listening to worship music it is all good... :)


Thoughts: If I am telling someone to act out of Love then I should do the same... with that being said; "thanks to all of my friends who are always looking out for my best interest"...know that I am not lost...I get it...

Love, Peace and Happiness!

Happy Fathers Day!

Above is a pic of me and my Grandfather, he has been my daddy! He is an admirable man! He has a heart of gold! I enjoy being home and going to have breakfast at our little spot on Saturday mornings while grandma sleeps in :) I was raised by him and my grandmother, I was really attached to him as a little girl, and so spoiled by him ;) He is an amazing person! I am blessed to have him as my daddy! Daddy Te quiero mucho!

Only God can Judge me...

"If you can learn to control your own reactions, then you can change your routines, and you can change your life" The Mastery of Love...

Current mood: hurt, resentful, hurt-1/2 of me the other half=so excited to be home soon!

Song for today: WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT~TI!!!!

Thoughts for today:
1. My sweet friend Miguelito emailed me today his email made my day after being crushed by a previous email!
2. My eyes hurt and burn so bad today...
3. I cant wait to be home I need a damn drank!!!!!


So this morning I received an email from a friend of mine...(very bad way to start my morning)
The email was harsh... "Christian people" always claim to "judge" out of love! I remember at one time not even wanting to categorize myself as a "Christian" I didn't want to be like the people around me...I am imperfect and I will never be perfect...I have made a lot of mistakes in life, but I know who I am I know the heart I have, and I won't let anyone tell me different! People are so stuck in religion and forget to show "Gods Love" I am glad He is Merciful and His Love for me is UNCONDITIONAL!

Happy Weekend to all! Live life to the fullest its too short for all the bullshit!

PEACE, LOVE, and HAPPINESS!!!!

9 DAYS!!!!!!

LMAO!!!!!!!! Val the Bunny, girl i can't even explain that in words LMFAO!!!!!! Man I need to buy one for the states!!!! LMAO!!!!!

Today's thoughts-My friend Tammie left today :( I am a little sad she was my buddy out here we always were together, she stayed the night with me last night, so we just hung out and did the "girl thing" awww I sure am going to miss her...

Dude we had like the worse sang storm the night before last i should have taken pics I have been here 5 years just about and that was the worse i have ever seen really! I woke up and there was sand all over!!! Then I came to my office and i literally could not see my key boards they were loaded with sand YUK!!!!

So it has been a few days since i called home, fam, val...I was just going through some things...I usually don't like talking to anyone if I am not feeling like myself. I guess i am too obvious so i stay to myself until i am "me again" :) Both Val and my mom called me like "why the heck have you not called" lol ...

Song of the day: Violet Hills By: Cold Play-I Love this song!!!!! I think i like how the voice sounds far away! I know I am weird like that! Bang your head back and forth and rock with me! It almost makes me want to do a slow mode robot...lol...i bet Val would do it!

Yumm moment-I ate some Funyuns today they are good! Reminds me of eating chips with pickles....mmmmmmm i LOVe pickles!

I have 9 days for R&R i can't wait!!!!!!!! Well I will be home in 11 days but out of this place in 9 :)

Current mood-Chill, feel like i need to stretch!

I am really perfecting the skill of polishing my finger nails...YES!!!

Val you are AWESOME!!!!

Peace and Love, Happiness!!!! Pumba!

The Mastery of Love...

So today has been going, lots going on...I woke up in a really bad mood today but i am OK now...

Current mood-Moody but thankful....

Current book I am reading-The Mastery of Love "Happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love. When you are aware that no one else can make you happy, and that happiness is the result of your love, this becomes the greatest mastery of the Toltecs: the Mastery of Love- from the book....

This book is sooooo amazing I have read it all in one day 210 pgs...i would recommend this book to EVERYBODY...It is currently my FAV!

Song for today-Better in time-Leona Lewis

Thoughts-I cant wait to go get a massage in about an hour i sooo need it....a friend of mine really opened up to me today, weird you never know what people are going through...

Favorite thing people love to tell me-"Hey can i call you back" and they NEVER call back! ughhh
annoying!

My friend tamm is transferring to another base she leaves thursday :( I am going to miss her...

13 days till i am home i soooo cant wait!

Peace and Love!

TODAY

SO I HAVE EXACTLY 2 WEEKS TILL R&R OMG I SOO CAN'T WAIT...I TALK TO MY MOTHER EVERY DAY AND SHE TELLS ME ALL ABOUT FIXING MY HOUSE AWW SO I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT!

CURRENTLY JAMMIN TO: VICENTE FERNANDEZ...THIS MUSIC REALLY REMINDS ME OF CHILLEN WITH MY FAMILY...

CURRENT MOOD: IN LOVE-OUT OF THE BLUE LOL...

I AM THANKFUL FOR: MY LIFE, CHILDREN, FRUIT PUNCH, EMAIL, NAIL POLISH :)

PEACE AND LOVE!

Different thoughts, feelings, moments...

My neck is tense, hands are sweaty, the inside of my stomach swirls, 1000 thoughts are racing through my mind, and every time the phone rings my heart drops, but all I can do, well the best thing to do is count on God, He knows what is best for me...

FAMILY, we are supposed to be one, unity is what makes us, these are my thoughts and how I feel about family...Love, Laughter, Memories, I know there is not perfection...I understand we all live our own lives but when all the chaos is over you look around and family is still there...

Awkward moment-So this soldier walks in my office today talking about The Lord...he says "your from Texas huh"...then he says "Texas is going down hill they are just totally out of the church belt, but the Lord wants it like that" I am like OK weird...So he goes on to talk about The Lord...then I randomly ask "do you drink" lol...he says "yes I Like to get drunk occasionally" I was like hmmm OK...Then I ask "Did The Lord tell you to come into my office" lol and he says "no just stopping by"....OK totally weird....

Talking to Val-I talked to Val today on the phone, I love talking to her, she makes my day most days, she can also piss me off other times lol but most days she cheers me up :) She can be sooo funny and so are the girls! Emily is counting down the days to come stay the night with me we are both so excited, Favor is supposed to come also so I hope she don't chicken out, Penelope will also join us so that night should be fun! So neways Val is awesome she just adores me most times, as I adore her...today we talked about "my maybe future wedding" she thinks about these things for me lol...I miss her all the time, I Love our crazy sense of humor that not many can appreciate...

Words I can appreciate-Today I was helping my friend order a gift for some friends ( a couple, newly weds) of ours and he tells me to put on thier gift card "Always keep each other laughing" and I just loved that. I just thought that was sweet and so true....

Movie reviews: Obsessed-OMG that white chic was crazy and Beyonce was a bad Biatch on this movie I love it! He's just not that into you-Chic flick totally Loved it, so real, cute and true!!!!

Music: I listened to my brothers music today I love his songs and his voice...I miss my puddin...

Longest Goodbye By:India Arie...Love this song reminds me of Nae...

If all goes well my vacation is in 20 days I soo can't wait!!!!

My mom has almost finished my room OMG It looks so good I am in love with it! Thanks Mom You totally Rock!!!!!!!!!!!! Above is a new pic of my room "Unique designs by Angelic" I wish my mom would really pursue designing she is sooo GREAT at it...

Ok my sweet pies gotta go! Lots of Blessings, Love, Happiness, and Peace!!!

I am Thankful for...

I am thankful to have a relationship with God to know who He is...So many people are so lost without Him... I am so grateful for the Love I feel for people...I am thankful for being me...I am thankful for my family, & friends, my job...I am grateful for my new and Beautiful Home...I am thankful for my Mothers creative mind...I am thankful for my Happiness...I am thankful for my Emmi...I am thankful for children....laughter, hugs, kisses...I am thankful for my BFF...I am thankful for being American...those are just a few things I am so truly grateful for...

An old Prayer Journal...

Yesterday I was cleaning my room here in Iraq and I came across an old journal of mine that was given to me by someone who was like a Father to me...I have to so it was so emotional and touching for me to read through it...It was a journal where you would jot down a prayer and once it was answered you wrote the answer...It made me feel so Blessed it was a sense of reality for me I can't really explain it...Things I prayed for in 2003, & 2004 and I have seen it all come to past...forgetting that it was once a prayer of mine until I looked through this journal...WOW...God is sooo Amazing! So I decided I wanted to start writing my prayers down again it was just to neat to see what has come to pass...

Time Flies

Wow I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since I Last posted, time is flying which is GREAT I only got 5 more weeks before I am home and I soooooooooooooo can't wait! I really miss my house and all my family and friends! I can't wait to play with the girls they make my day!
Everything has been good...Last night I was thinking how God makes us his first, we are always searching for this feeling of fulfilment from humans when God is ALWAYS there...I have been distant, well away from my spiritual life...Now I have the urge, I cry out to Him...He is so good to me in every way! I started reading the book of Proverbs I am only on ch 3...I just kept feeling the need to read it and I think I am starting to realize why...
So everything is back to normal with me and Val, and I am soo glad we went through a little rough patch and it was totally awkward but I must say once we get past things like that it only makes our friendship stronger! I realize more and more how the very base of our friendship is loyalty! Our friendship is really like no other and i know all BFF's feel that way but really ours is sooo like no other :)
Well I got distracted by....neways i lost my train thought so we will talk laterz!!!!