?

Will the hurt go away? It is still awkward no matter how much I try to shake it off...there is still too much pain...I want to get over this...I want it to go back to normal...Will it? Them words go through my mind over and over...do you really think I am that awful? Could I continue to share my deepest darkest secrets with you, or should I always keep silence, in order to keep "Peace"
Hmmm I don't know...

Happy Mothers Day

Well today is Mothers day(my time) So Happy Mothers Day! I am writing this post with tears just falling...I just got off the phone with my mom i waited till Midnight then called her :) I am soo thankful for her we have come such a long way together and our relationship has really grown...I love you mom and thanks for making the best of this crazy life...
I have been a bit in the dooms grandmother has been running a fever these past couple of days...For those of you that know me you know My grandmother is EVERYTHING to me and i cant see life without her...I know people come and go in this life YES i understand that but that's my Grandma so neways i get so sad when i know she isn't feeling well...I try not to worry and I pray for her everyday....My Grandma she is soo sweet i just adore her...I pray and hope she lives many many more years...
I had just heard my friends mother passed away so i called her to check on her, it was sad for me, i mean you never really know what to say i guess...I am praying for her that her spirits are lifted some...
As i am writing this blog i am reading what i write and i don't even know if i am making sense to be honest i am just upset, I try to stay upbeat and happy but i don't know i am just sad today...I can't seem to stop thinking of something i read...it really hurt but sometimes we have to let go and keep going...I wrote 2 or 3 previous blogs then went back and deleted them...I just didn't want to give in...I feel life is too short for bullshit but what do you do when you are really hurt???
Well to all the Moms be thankful that you are a mommy for it is a HUGE blessing, And to all those who have a mother be thankful to them, tell them you love them and remember always "Mother-there is only one"

Feelings Shift...

I once felt "in love" now i just simply love...what causes the change? Does reality finally settle in? Does something or someone catch your attention? Something you thought you could never get over...then you wake up one day and realize "what the heck was i thinking" I like to say "It is what it is" Something i once thought i could never let go is now gone with the wind...Neways just a few random thoughts now on another subject...Marriage? I remember it was once a dream of mine a priority but i must say i no longer feel this way, i really enjoy my single life...not knockin you married folks by the way...My idea of marriage before was beautiful but somehow in the past years it has been currupted...What do people think marriage is? 2 of my cousins got married this weekend and I wish them the BEST of course but i only wonder...TBC

Kids...

Kids make my day...I love the thought of them, all kinds of kids even the ones that misbehave :) Well i dont get to see any kind of kids here in Iraq so i seem to miss them quite often...I have the most beautiful God Daughter as you all know :) and her lil sister My Flava FAV Doll...I love calling her "dolly" she gets a kick out of it...then i have my lil hillbilly neice whom is adorable...and last but not least all my most beautiful lil cousins which i see more as neices and nephews just because...The one I am closest to is Penelope, she is sooo smart, she trips me out but i have such love for her she has such a meek spirit...then there is Andrew OMG lately i think of him so much he is just hillarious...He has such a personality...there is so many in my family and they each hold a very special place in my heart...Kids have such a creative mind...I enjoy talking to Emily and Favor they have so much to say, Miss Favor is sooo grown... Emily loves to be "Nina's Baby" so she is always so sweet to me lol...One day i want to be a parent to a beautiful lil girl but i willbe happy with whatever the Good Lord Blesses me with ;) I can see my kid being soooo spoiled...So parents feel blessed to have your lil ones tell them how much you love them daily...pay attention to them....kids always want our attention...even if you have to sit and color with them a few mins do it!

He sincerly said Pray for me....

So I have a co-worker and hes an older man probably about 64? Well He is a very nice guy but can be sooo annoying at times ....and he knows it...but i can see he has a great heart he is just really goofy and loopy...like way to happy some would say lol...I call him "howdy doody" But neways he is a very different guy...one of them people you will always remember so neways lately i have been riding with him to and from work...by the way when i first found out that we would be riding together i was like "great just what i need" lol i know i can be mean...but you see in the mornings here in iraq i can be somewhat moody...well it has been going pretty good...lately he has been telling me his body has been itching sooo bad and i have prayed for him because i know the pain...well it has been keeping him up at night, just itching and he has tried everything....so this morning i told him take off your long sleeve and let your arms breath...well he just walked in my office and i seen he took off his long sleeve i was like ahhh you listened...so he was showing me his arms and they looked bad...he then said he has been praying and wants it to go away...well some how our convo turned very serious and this lil old man looked me in the eye with his eyes full of tears ready to fall and says will you do something for me...i say sure...he says "will you please pray that God has his way and only his way with me, it gets so hard sometimes but i sincerly mean that"....when i seen his eyes water up my heart just dropped and i looked at him and told him i would pray for him...you see we never know what a person might be going through...so please pray for my lil old friend...pray that his rash stop that he sleeps in peace without itching and thatGod has his way in his life...I am definitley praying for him...

Natural High-The Bike ride

Sooo today is Sunday....Well Friday I decided i was going to attempt to ride a bike, mind you it has been about 12 years or more that i have been on a bike :) so i get on right OMG i was sooo nervous and scared i held on to the handle bars soooo tight...LOL...well once i was going it felt like the best thing ever i felt so happy smiling fom ear to ear, i guess i forgot how amazing it felt to go bike riding...i rode that thing for over 2 hours YES i couldnt believe it myself but i did it! Great exercise by the way :) I had soo much fun it was a beautiful day...now the only scary part is my compound is full of gravel and big chunky rocks so i stayed pretty nervous because anytime a big rock got in my way i was for sure that i was going to be meeting with the ground but thankfully i stayed put ;)


So yea that was just too exciting!!!!!!!!!!! I cant wait to ride on a smooth road one day ;)

oh yea and here we are 2 days later and i am still sooooo sore lol....dude i held on to the handle bars soo tight the whole time that my fingers have been twitching like seriouslly! LOL!!!!

The Secret!!!

So its time to update...I am in a good mood...Lots of thoughts going thru my big head lol...So i just watched this DVD "The Secret"and IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!! if you are reading you need to watch it!!!! It reminded me of me always saying "you live what you speak" its more like "thoughts become things" It was soo positive!!!! I love it!!!!!I am full of so much positive energy right now...on a side note- check out my ride I will be getting ;) ...nice huh....

ha...so for some reason everytime i feel so good i want to call Val or my mom i guess since they are the two i call the most when im not feeling "so myself"...my mom just says "stop being a grouch" and Val just makes me laugh it works most times...My gals...so Mothers day is comming up i have no clue what to get my mother she is rather picky i must say...I have some more things to blog about but they might not be as happy as this one...oh nothing to do with me just other topics...but i guess i will save them for another time! LOTS of love and peace...oh yea dont forget if you get a chance please watch the SECRET!!!!!!