I Love him i Love him not...

I tell you PMS is torture...It brings back all these old feelings...ughh...i just don't know is it "PMS" or is it how i really feel??? I started to think about someone in my past today...yea not good i know! And it doesnt help when we have the conversations we have...I am the "good friend" who listens to all his women issues...yea go figure on that one...the "EX" listening to this lol...No matter where i stand in my love life (and right now i am happy and in love)...he still seems to get me somehow, can it still be "love" it's a scary thought to me...I have really tried to block it out because i was really hurt, not intentionally but this indivdual could never love me the way i love him, never not even come close to it...so that is the worse type of hurt...neways so many thoughts ramble my head right now, i dont even want to think about it or feel this way...back to reality right....

blah..

i know i havent blogged in a couple of days...truth be told i am sooo homesick!!!! i miss my house!!! i want to be there, hang out with everyone....sigh....well 4 1/2 months to go....

chips....

ok so i need to lay off chips for a while...before it was fries, cheese, etc etc but now its chips...actuallyi just ate a small bag of doritos right before bloggin...so i said i was gonna lay off but they are addicting...so now that i have screwed up i will start tomorrow and try to go a week with out them i will keep you posted on how well i do...so i wouldnt say i am dieting just trying to eat a little different but make one small change at a time...my first change was breakfast and that is working out pretty good, now only drink water which that is easy for me...so now the chip thing its hard...next will be hard candy gummies omg....lol
it seems like if i tell myself no i want it even more...its bad believe me such a mind battle...and you see i have to do it little by little by little otherwise if i take it all at once i will go crazy and vinge for everything....to be continued...

More than a mans love....

Hope everyone had a great Valentine's day...You know i have to thank my grama for the Love i have for Valentines day...When i was growing up she would dress us all up in cute red stuff, then fix us sweet baskets with all kinds of sweets and love...My Grandmother is the BEST!!! I listened to soooo many women complain about how they hate Valentines day because some man ruined it or they are just not happy in love...But come on Love isnt only about a significant other...think about it Love is God, Your Family, Your Friends...and to be honest Valentines for me is expressing all my love to them and feeling all the love they have for me... Although i do have to share that this year I did have a little addition to my V-day...Yes!!!! I had the most Fabulous day, night with a "sweet friend of mine" and for the first time i shared that special day with a man...and LOVED it to the fullest...He could not have made it any better so yes that i will cherish forever...but remember V-day isnt only about a "mans love" Gracias Mami!
I got to talk to Emmi and Favor today sooo precious both of them...Emmi sounded so GROWN...she was like "So nina what did you get for Valentines"? i mean we were having a grown up conversation awwww my baby is growing...while we talked Miss Favor was in the back ground yelling "i wanna talk to nina" over and over lol...so i asked Emmi to speak to her, and she too wanted to share alllll the chocolate she got for Valentines then we talked about the puppy she wants and how she cant wait to play hide and seek with it...lol i LOVE them girls!!!!! :)
So today i had a very long talk with a friend of mine...she asked me suck a deep question....WOW so her question was "How do you find happiness if thats not what you grew up with" actually my answer amazed me after thinking about it...although i grew up so loved and with happiness i told her i has to be honest and say i found ture happines, joy ,love when I accepted Jesus Christ into my life ...and that is so true...so then i went on to tell her all about it...Wow I miss that fire! We had a really good conversation...I found my self reminissing on the nights i stayed at the alter for hours praying and weeping for my family...and now i see the fruits of the seed planted...Its such a beautiful feeling....God is sooo good to us! I get lost in the thought of his MERCY for us...
Peace and Love!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sunshine....

"I miss you Nina" them words just make me melt...so sweet, so soft spoken...Emmi is my God-daughter, my princess, my lady bug, my baby girl, my sunshine, my sweetheart, i Just ADORE her!!!!! I LOVE the pic above...I remember when Emmi was a new born i would just hold her and could stare at her for ever...I never knew i could love such a lil thing soo much...

God Shares his secrets with him...

I always wonder what hes thinking...You Never know what he is going to say next...He always seems to amaze me leaving me with the thought like " how the heck did he come up with that" He is the smartest person I have ever met, really he is...I remember a friend of mine use to tell me about him "I believe God shares his secrets with him" and now I know exactly what she meant...bcuz I truly believe that now...I admire his passion for the "Word" his knowledge and hunger to want to know more and more...And his passion to want to share "The Word" he just wants you to really get it and will do whatever he can to break it down to you...he blows my mind with the examples he comes up with, when trying to explain a certain passage to me or topic...Hes so patient...I know if i was trying to explain stuff to me i would go crazy...not him...no matter what i ask he has an answer...Neways I thank God for him and for Sharring His secrets with him... ;)

???

I smile as i read my previous post...Happiness...ahhh the Beauty of it...Well i am a little down today...ok maybe a lot, this is my blog so i am going to be honest on it...One of my girls left camp today boy am i going to miss her she kept me up beat lol...
On another topic "I am soo fustrated" Dont "she" know the situation is only harming her...She gets so distracted almost forgets she has a family to love...I just want to say "remember your family is your rock" but i know that would turn into a huge fight so i keep quiet and "let her live her life" Although recently she went through hurt and pain i still enjoyed just having her close by i felt so nertured by her...something i long so much...Why cant she seem to balance it out...Noone knows of my pain that is with in me for years i have hid it, remember i love being "happy" i cant speak about it because in her eyes "its selfishness" but how can it be selfish "longing for something you have never had" i was simply teased by it...its given to me when she is lonely and has noone else to run to...can i be sad about that??? I try not to judge ... I live my life and just go on...she always says she is living her life for her and my thought is "ughhh you have done that since i can remember so whats different now" Neways just venting i guess...I love her too much, so what do i do, nothing just keep still and know that He is God....
Ok so i was talking to Val today she gave me a good laugh reminising on old letters i wrote her...also we had got in this convo well i got upset not at her just the topic so i was like "bye val" and i logged out chat...well she emails me and its so funny to me because she is mad but the email is funny cuz shes really trying to be mean but sooo cant be...awww my Val....I love her, we are good i appoligized to her...
"Change" Accept it, hate it, love it, i dont know....